Boriana Valentinova

a change you dread

How do you make a change you dread?

It is much simpler than you think… I know you will instantly mistrust this statement, and that is because you’ve probably tried, and your experience has been unpleasant. You are facing a change you dread and can’t move forward. So, you’ve become frustrated with the effort and starting to admit defeat.

But before you drop your dreaming, let me ask you something… When you tried in the past, did you have a well thought and outlined strategy, or did you just jumped on the change journey in fire fighting mode, aiming to get results ASAP?
You probably are starting to realize in which direction I’m going here…

The point is: you need a strategy to make changes you dread. And that strategy has to be holistic, not specific to whatever you want to achieve. The specificity comes next once you’ve outlined your overall plan.

The strategy (Steps 1 to 4)

  1. Understand your emotional state. Why do you dread this change? How do you feel about this? Sad, frustrated, overloaded… Shift that state into positive thoughts. Think about it as a fresh start which, this time, will work out because you will find a different, better way to deal with it and because you have help. The way you feel affects what happens to you.
  2. Focus: What is your focus right now? Do you see opportunities or only the problem? If you think only about the problem, you will let fear control you. Shift your focus to what you want, not what you don’t want. Focus on the opportunities. Focus on the solution.
  3. Reset your options. You can get stuck with the scenario “this way or the highway”. This thinking makes you vulnerable as you assume you only have two choices. Expand your options. Force yourself to find another way of doing things – it might not be the best way or guarantee total success, but it will move you closer to achieving your goal.
  4. Establish positive relationships: Who are the key people in my life? Strengthen that relationship by opening up about your change journey and your project. Share how you feel and bring love into your life. You will be surprised how much people who care about you will support you when you open up.

Take a pen and paper and write everything down—step by step, from 1 to 4. First, describe your problem. Second, detail all negative emotions and, immediately after, list the positive ones you crave to feel. Underline them. Next, describe your opportunities and the solutions. Then, walk away from your work and review it the following day. Are new possibilities coming to mind? They usually do. So, reset your options. Pick up a new path, even if it means a steep learning curve and a longer time to achieve results.

Write down the name of the people you trust and want to involve in this process. If you have difficulty deciding whom to involve, think about who in your circle will not try to stop you from changing, who accepts you with your flaws and wishes you well. Put those names on the list and share with them your plan.

The action plan (Step 5)

  1. Define your action plan: Which steps do I have to take to solve this massive problem? What is the smallest step I can take today to start working on this? Break your big problem into smaller objectives and list the activities you have to do to achieve them. At this point is when you begin considering tactical and specific solutions and help you might need:
    • Professional help: life coach, change coach, marketing expert, trainer, health specialist…
    • Tools and methods: business canvas model, swot analysis, high-intensity interval training program, social media calendar, yoga retreat…
    • Learning: university degree, online course, team building, group coaching…

Try this strategy and make that change you dread a fresh and positive start. All the time you take upfront to get emotionally and practically prepared guarantees you will succeed in this transformation.

You can do this! Contact me if you prefer to move faster and skip the learning curve, and I will be happy to help.